The Mighty Must Fall.

It is probably the most difficult thing we will ever do. Taking an honest look at ourselves, means having to suspend the preferred mythology that we have unwittingly constructed to cope through years of living in this world. No one wants to see himself or herself as weak, cowardly, arrogant, envious, crude, hateful, or cruel; at least, no one with a conscience, that is.  We may admire the super- villain in a movie for his prowess and his seeming power to let nothing get in his way of personal domination but at the core of even the most powerful villain is the dark seed of pain.

To what lengths will a person go to keep him or herself from feeling the wounds of love not returned? It could be the love of a parent, a first crush, a love relationship foundered or any other unmet need to be seen and accepted by the target of one’s desires. Sadly, some will go to the gravest ends and means because of the perceived emptiness in relationship and acceptance that they feel within them. Turning their rage and denial outward to those around them because the pain is too great to look at inside themselves, they react, attack, and sometimes even destroy the ones that would seek to love, if only they did not loathe the fact that they need love and acceptance in the first place.

When perceived by the immature ego, the need an desire to feel loved and accepted becomes a perceived vulnerability. Rather than this knowledge empowering the bearer of these emotions to great things, it festers in the insecure gaze of ego and manifests as a weakness that they will seek to deflect, deny, detach and destroy at all costs, including the cost to themselves. One only need pick up a newspaper to read the tragedy of an ego spurned that enacts a self-aggrandized rampage on those he deems the enemy of his wounded self. Open up the pages of a superhero comic to see the backstory of the nemesis spurned by some foundational figure in their innocent years, mother, father, love- interest, community, God. The die is cast and the villain is born in effort to never FEEL that way ever, again. The wounding of the hero, the wounding of the villain, they are same in event but not in outcome. Why is this? It is the perspective of the individual and the place from which they make choices that determines the difference between becoming the villain,   ever-acting out the initial inner wounding by wounding back externally or becoming the hero, the one who transforms the vulnerability of brokenness into the opportunity to become something greater.

We face this every day of our lives. Although you may have never have thought of it in such a dramatic scenario, the truth of the matter is there. We are all wounded, foundationally to varying degrees. We have all perceived a loss in some way to our sense of self, to our sense of how it “should be or should have been.” Some of us, take these defining blows and create from it a determination to survive, to never give up, to defy all to the contrary, to succeed in happiness at all costs. Still others take the kicks of living as some kind of commentary as to whom they are. The stab of love lost becomes the declaration of co-dependence. The rejection of affections proffered turns in to the creed “Thou are not loveable.”

These absolutes determined at such a time is about as sensible as the acorn falling from the tree and because it sees this natural, letting go of the tree that held it as personal rejection, the acorn is determined never to grow past its shell for fear of being rejected again. It does not reach out, it does not break the shell that was actually, only meant to save it from the fall, not to house it forever. The only way to grow, to evolve, to change, to become the tall, proud, ancient oak is to let go of being the discarded and fallen acorn.

The truth is that whatever “ rejected” you in the past did not do so out of any reason to do with YOU, but rather it was all to do with themselves and their own level of growth at the moment. That is all there ever is. Even a parent giving children up for adoption ultimately does so because of their OWN situation. Is it in the best interest of the child? Intentionally. Possibly. In actuality, No, that is not always the case. Commonly, the circumstances for whatever the reasons are not conducive to allow another dependent thing to thrive. Thus, like nature, when one can no longer  be useful in the growth of another, separation takes place for both parties sake.

The person, or persons, who rebuffed your affections or broke your heart or did not see you, as you wanted them to, did not do those things because of who you are, but because of who THEY are. That is all human beings can do. To continue to live as an adult in the infantile mind of having to be the center of a person’s motivation is to court disaster within your relationships.

Back to the oak trees discarding of the acorn. Do we as human beings look at the fallen acorns beneath the trees in the forest and think “ man, that tree is  an asshole! Or What the heck is wrong with these trees?!” Of course we don’t.  We recognize it as a natural season in the lifetime of the oak. Can we not look at the founding of our own evolutionary journey the same way? What would have happened if the tree held on to that acorn for all it was worth? The acorn would die. It would never become a tree itself. The separation is necessary for the growth of both beings in the nature of things. Sometimes, in deed it is the actual fall that breaks the shell of the acorn and allows the truth of what lies inside to be freed.  Think about that in the context of yourself.

At those volatile moments in your life when the separation and resulting fall cracked you open, what was most true? You were vulnerable. Did you seek in that moment to pull your shell back around you to protect the nakedness and raw openness you felt? Did you just lie there in acceptance of the moment, not sure what happened but understanding that you cannot go back to where you were, how you were?

Growth is a choice. Survival and yes, even success is a choice. Some of us have been psychologically duct-taping our shell back together for decades out of pure will and sheer anxiety. Some of us have been using those sharp edges to lash out at anyone or any situation that tries to coax you out of the shell and encourage you to grow. “I don’t have to change, I am fine the way I am, there is nothing wrong with me, I am generally okay. I don’t need anything, “ This is the same as the acorn saying “ stop trying to see through my patchwork shell into the heart of me, don’t you see I am an acorn? I am fine, I don’t have to become anything other than this. I am happy here, it safe. “

I am telling you and nature is telling you through her own example, that it is okay to fall and it is okay to be broken open. This happens FOR you not TO you. Why? Because life already knows the greater picture; your God, your mother nature, your creator, understands the relationship of all things, knows what is necessary for all beings to thrive, including you, thus it knows the raw and perfect truth. You can know this truth too.

Glaring Light of Awareness: Have you been served?

I read this morning a blog, from the International Institute for spiritual leaderships where the author states  ” it begins by recognizing that wisdom starts with mindful awareness and that it requires a spiritual transformation that leads us beyond egoistic gratifications. In doing so ones begins to awaken to the realization that joy, peace, and serenity provide life’s greatest reward and that these rewards can only be found through loving and serving others.”

Reading it,  triggered something in me, which I thought might also be helpful, or of service to others.

Perhaps, I am not alone in that I recognize that spiritual transformation is required to gain wisdom and to truly, be of service.  However, it seems that although we may be mindful of this awareness,  the actual willingness to work for it and the courage, to surrender  to that transformation, can turn even the earnest seeker the other direction. At times, it seems the ego or rather our own subservience to the ego can block our path to wisdom. We may want to be of service ideally, of course but to truly be of service cannot be faked, it must be created.

We all believe ourselves to be good people. I doubt that most of us, if any of us, wake up each day thinking about how big of a jerk we can be and how many people we can hurt. Yet, it does happen. There are times that despite all our efforts to be of service or come from our higher selves that human interactions gets as sticky as the web of a black widow spider and just as difficult to untangle. We can be left questioning ourselves as to our own spiritual path and how we are proceeding and evolving upon it. We have to realize that the more self realized we become and transform on the inside, the greater the chances for disruption on the outside we will face. It is not a simple thing, dismantling the projections of a world built on ego and all that comes with it. We have to begin the process from the inside and that too can be daunting work as we come face to face with the looking glass of our inner eye.

Sometimes, we can get sidetracked thinking wrongly that being a spiritual person means being better, knowing better and acting better than others. However that is all it is, an act. The very concept of having to reach some other way of being, to be spiritual,  is where I think we go wrong and we do a great dis-service to ourselves and to others.

To be of service means we offer what we are, who we are, As we are to humanity with the totality of our being; imperfections and all. It is a state of humble service not an act of arrogant expectation.  When we elect a path of service that says I am just me and this is what I offer, this is what I learned, this is what I know, it is far more productive because there is no pretense in it. This kind of service comes with the unspoken understanding that admits, this is just me, I cannot offer you everything, I may not have learned that yet, I may not know all the answers but I am here offering to be of service all the same. Anyone who thinks we have to reach some unrealistic level of spiritual hierarchy or else we are not spiritual, not enlightened, just realize, that they are only speaking from their own inner reality and what it contains. That reality doesn’t have to become ours. That is up to us.

When a person puts another down personally or attacks their character, rather than addressing issues and speaking to actions, then we can see it for what it is. There is actually a psychological interdisciplinary field on this very behavior. It is called, Character assassination, it is not pretty and can be seen as one of the very worst tactics we human beings can commit against another. That is what it looks like but what is it really? If we accept that every outer reality has a spiritual impulse what is this insidious behavior really about?

I have spent over 25 years studying archetypes and their meaning in both esoteric legend, psychology, myth and art. So, I can only speak from my own perspective. Upon my quest, the archetype of the sacrificial god, represents the breaking down of the human,  to release the divine within. I have found that on the esoteric playing field, the archetype of the sacrificial god, comes with a challenge to the seeker, it has been called the “well of remembering”,  “black or Obsidian mirror” and many other names. I don’t care to wax academic on you, that is too dry. I prefer to use modern archetypes that are close to our hearts, especially ones that speak in the language that our inner child recognizes.

In one of my favorite movies called The Never-Ending Story,The hero, named Atreyhu the warrior, had to embark on a quest on behalf of all the beings of Fantasia. His challenge, to find a cure for the healing of the Princess, which would stop the land from being devoured by an unknowable, darkness. After successfully facing the Oracle, who required that the seeker believe in themselves and have true confidence to pass, and with a little luck from a Dragon named Falcor,Atreyu still had to to face most difficult challenge yet, Facing the mirror of his true self.

From the Script “The NeverEnding Story”

Engywook: Next is the Magic Mirror Gate. Atreyu has to face his true self.

Falcor: So what? That won’t be too hard for him.

Engywook: Oh, that’s what everyone thinks! But kind people find out that they are cruel. Brave men discover that they are really cowards! Confronted by their true selves, most men run away screaming!

When Atreyu looked in to the magic mirror gate, he came face to face with what he had not known. He had to realize and accept that although he may identify himself as a great warrior,he was but the avatar, a mental projection in the story of his hidden self. The true, animating, or as I like to say, imaginat-ing force behind Atreyu, the one giving the story life, was a 10-year-old boy named Bastian. Bastian, a human child was suffering deep loss for his dead mother, disconnected from his father, friendless, hiding out in an attic, rather than face the challenges of his life, isolated, bullied, and misunderstood. Bastian was escaping in to the never ending story, identifying with Atreyu, identifying with his loss of his beloved horse Artax, , running from his pursuers, the Gmork and the Nothing that would destroy everything beautiful. This story, if you have not seen it is a wonderful archetypal journey of the  hero’s quest to heal the Goddess and thus heal,  the land. It is an ages old, perfect Arthurian esoteric story, in that it reveals not only the greatness of the warrior but the gentle vulnerability of the inner champion. The one who must believe in himself,  to make all his dreams, real. Bastian, the unlikely hero had to put a name to his suffering and transform it, to do this, integration was the magic to make the outer life like the inner one.

The mirror has two sides

The young boy, Bastian is the reflection of the great warrior Atreyu and the great warrior,is but the reflection or projection of Bastian.Okay. But what does this have to do with service? In my opinion, everything. Ultimately, humble service and acceptance of who we are in the now, as we are, is what allows us to accept the image in the dark mirror regardless of what it reveals. Who stands in front of a mirror and yells at the reflection? Why would we stand in front of the mirror and pick out flaws, call it names? Why does one attempt to destroy or assassinate the person before them be it a reflection in a mirror or the person they behold with the black mirror at the center of their own eye? What is this transformation they are demanding of the image?” why such desperation that the outer MUST change or be destroyed?

-” It begins by recognizing that wisdom starts with mindful awareness and that it requires a SPIRITUAL transformation that leads us beyond egoistic gratifications. In doing so ones begins to awaken to the realization that joy, peace, and serenity provide life’s greatest reward and that these rewards can only be found through loving and serving others.”- blog IISA from article, Reflections on Yale’s Practical Wisdom For Management Conference. you can read it inits entirety here http://iispiritualleadership.com/category/news/

 If we can accept, that the Outer IS a reflection of the Inner, then it becomes quite clear that what we rail against outside of us is but the reflection of the state of our inner being. When we see the warrior reflected we are inspired and ennobled, when we see the wounded child, we are often in denial. What we see does not really matter because it is only a reflection. It is how we handle what we see, that matters. Can we face it or do we, as Engywook says, run away screaming?

If we want the reflection to smile at us, we must first smile at it. If we want it to look lovingly upon us,then we must look lovingly upon it. Even if the reflection is but the person reflected in the obsidian pupil of our eyes. It is not always easy and some days, can feel nearly impossible, but that is okay. We are not inanimate objects. We are living, sentient, beings. We are not objects to be used by others. We are blessed.

If all we see reflected back to us is the negativity, unhappy faces and criticisms of the world, we can stand in defiance, sure we can, Or we can accept that sure, what we are seeing is something that is difficult to see and to experience. Rather than running away in rejection, we stand our ground and allow the inner transformation of it to take place within us. Once this happens, the

mirror will clear, then we have met the challenge of the magic mirror. Challenge met,we are then free to walk away and continue our journey.  Perhaps the journey now takes us to an environment where what we see is now, a more accurate reflection of both our inner child and our warrior. If we can accept the inner and the outer, as they are, then we integrate the images in the mirror and create an inner spiritual transformation. In a way, the glass becomes clear. It does not mean we have to stay in unhealthy situations or relationship it means that we can be mindfully aware, accept what is taking place outside us and choose to allow that to spiritually transform ourselves. We can then take what we have experienced and be of loving service to others because we have first been of loving service to ourselves, inside and out.

I close with scripture from the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, saying 22.

Jesus saw some babies nursing. He said to his disciples, “These nursing babies are like those who enter the (Father’s) kingdom.”

They said to him, “Then shall we enter the (Father’s) kingdom as babies?”

Jesus said to them, “When you make the two into one, and when you make the inner like the outer and the outer like the inner, and the upper like the lower, and when you make male and female into a single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female, when you make eyes in place of an eye, a hand in place of a hand, a foot in place of a foot, an image in place of an image, then you will enter [the kingdom].”

Amen,Namaste, Aho, so mote it be.

Glaring light of awareness:Vessels of Compassion

 by Mary Samantha

Living within us at this moment are the seeds of choice. We can dwell in the past. The past of hurts, traumas, longings, betrayals, and live as though we are still there or we can choose to let go of the events and ideas of the past. We can let go of the accumulation of meager years of existence and embrace the future we create, that is only created by each person, in each present moment, in his or her choices, in the NOW.

Being a conscious creator with and guardian for this land, this planet, we need to begin to make choices that are in alignment with our hearts and our integrity.  Willingly choosing to let go of preconceptions, we let go of attachments to who we think we are, and Choose to act from the Heart of greater humanity. A spiritual heart which is LOVE, it’s purpose to be the vessel that carries COMPASSION to the whole of creation.

When we choose in any present moment to no longer act from the hungry, consumption of the ego self, we begin the journey to self-mastery. To KNOW THYSELF has been the directive of the would-be enlightened for thousands of years. Yet it is true that, It is one thing to know your self, it is another to act on that knowledge.

How can we walk on this Earth as vessels of love and compassion amidst the entrenched paradigms of thirsty egos and the expectations of the sleeping elite? How do we honor our own unique truth simultaneously, with respect for another? I find that the answer to these questions lies in taking responsibility. This means truly being responsible, only for what we are actually responsible for. We are responsible for our selves and that can in itself, be a full-time job. This also means we do not disempower others by taking on what should be their own responsibility.  Rather, we walk in the knowledge that they too are fully capable human beings to whom we ask that they be the authorities over themselves. We expect that they author their own story,  as we write the life script for our own lives.

For compassion to exist there must be responsibility. To place blame on others, for your own unhappiness, your own anger, your own distress, or dislike is to disempower yourself. To willingly allow another to do that to you, is to act without compassion. For a truly compassionate heart does not undermine the spiritual growth of another. Sometimes the greatest act of compassion is in giving back to others the emotions and projections that they would paint us with and walking out of the picture, so that they can spend some time alone with what they have authored in to their own life story. Walking away is not always the easiest choice. Bystanders may call you selfish, or uncaring but that is because we have been taught that compassion is co-misery, co-dependence, conspiracy against the self.

True compassion is COM or  “to be to be with ” PASSION.

The suffering on the road to execution of the one known as Jesus Christ, is called, the Passion. The witnesses of his passion are referred to as the most compassionate hearts. The compassionate heart of Mary symbolizes that detached, quiet, acceptance of bearing witness to the suffering of another, without actually allowing one’s self to suffer.

To truly walk in consciousness is not to rise above the ego, but rather to raise the ego in to consciousness. We can feel our emotions, we bare witness to the rise and fall, the coming and going, and we can be compassionate but we have a choice whether or not to endure suffering.  In a world of suffering, misunderstanding and self righteousness, it is easy to be angry, it is a no brainer to pitch a fit, to point fingers, to rail against others for perceived slights. This is when we take the ego to lower places, places of fear, places within our own interior world that we yet to bring the light of consciousness. A heart walking in the light of a loving compassionate heart may bare witness to these dark places, can witness the tears and the suffering of the ego. The compassionate heart of the self knowing, can have compassion for what is in fear, that is in panic, that is in self doubt and that cries out for validation ,vindication and acknowledgment.

Like Mary at the foot of the cross, baring witness is all that can truly be done in compassion. She does not throw herself on to the cross with Christ. She does not take up nails and drive them into her own hands thus wounding her self. To do so would only take away from the moment of the Christ’ suffering by placing it on herself. Her suffering would make his no less, This is the wisdom of her immaculate, compassionate heart.

We all have within us a desire for love and compassion. We are all capable of making mistakes. None of us are infallible. It is foolishness and pride to think or to assume that ourselves or others are not going to disappoint us sometimes, that they will  not make mistakes or miscommunicate with us. A wise heart and mind understands that this is not only possible but highly probable. Thus to approach momentary conflict or misunderstanding with astonishment and animosity is very short sighted and honestly, quite obtuse. Of course, we will experience these moments from strangers, friends and family. None is exempt from humanity and the imperfections of an imperfect world. True compassion and love has already forgiven the fallibility of human kind.

To forgive is to already have given.

If we choose to walk with forgiveness, we are simply saying that we are wise in understanding that people will disappoint us, piss us off and make mistakes and that since we understand this, we will not be surprised or act offended. Forgiveness is not a condoning of behaviors or words. To forgive does not take the responsibility of the others actions away from them. Rather, it places it firmly where it needs to be. When we have forgiven ( let go of in advance), then we no longer have to argue our truth. No one can place blame upon us. There is No argument. We simply, become the witnesses to the others non-forgiveness within themselves.

Antonyms for forgiveness: blame, cruelty, meanness, mercilessness, accusation, censure, and punishment.

Synonyms: compassion, mercy, dispensation and grace.

What is a vessel? A vessel is a chalice, a cup, a cauldron, a holy grail, a human being. We are all vessels, We  can also be filled and emptied. If we are full of judgments, complaints, limitations, conditions, concepts, ideology if you are full of beliefs of what is and is not divine, what is and is not worthy of love, then we are full of suffering. It is not about what others do to us, it is what we hold our cup out for to receive. No one can fill us with what we do not open to receive.  This is very important that we remain empty of these things as much as possible, It is only human that we accumulate these things in an effort to learn and evolve but we must continue to empty it all out so that we do not become full of things. A full cup cannot be receiving anything more. A cup that is left standing full too long will stagnate and become putrid, filled with vile.

Being a compassionate vessel can mean that we hold the grail of ourselves up to receive all the uplifted nourishment of the world unto ourselves. Or we can hold it out to be filled with the bile and venom of the fallen world. We have a responsibility, an ability, to respond to this great choice. We do not have to take unto ourselves that which would poison us or make us sick in spirit, mind, heart or soul. We have a choice. Compassion gives us the power to bear witness, to forgive and also to walk away from the toxic fount and choose to fill ourselves from the fount of life.

“If humanity would but choose to fill one another up with the elixir of everlasting life and not suffering,  by  the sovereignty -bestowing power of forgiveness, we would walk in compassion all the days of our lives.”-Mary Samantha Magdal-Anna

I have been accused myself, at times, of not being compassionate enough. I have had moments of frustration because I could not ” make someone” understand that by removing myself from their life was not an act of abandonment or judgment but from my understanding, an act of love and letting go. I have learned through 43 years of life, 30 years on an active spiritual path, and 15 years as a priestess,  that I cannot change anyone, but myself. I am resigned in that to argue with people is pointless and serves nothing constructive. It takes two to co-create, be it a solution or anything else. If another is closed off or filled already with their own agenda, then my efforts or contributions are for not. All I can do then, is forgive and have faith, that in time, the truth will make itself known.

I have had a  recent conversation with someone, who said they felt guilty because they felt they owed an explanation to an old friend as to why they were no longer interacting with them. Their motives for doing so, completely out of compassion, walking away because it was the only thing one could do in the situation less she become a involved in what they could not in good conscience, support. compassion in action is often times, misunderstood. Through the compassionate heart, forgiveness is already assured.

For myself, anyhow, I strive in that I choose, that I will bare witness to and honor the path of another, wherever it takes them on their journey because I have faith and believe there are no mistakes, only lessons. I have peace in this knowing. This peace gives me the freedom to walk away from the path of suffering myself, I do not have to hold their hand on the path of suffering but I will be there on the other side, waiting for them.In the meantime, I choose to fill my holy cup from the fount of life so that I can be ready should that day come. sometimes, especially when we are dealing with people whom we love, who are in a relationship with addiction, this is all we can do. It would be unwise to follow them and would not ultimately serve them either.

“Tara is known as the “Mother of all Buddhas.” This is because she is the wisdom of reality, and all Buddhas and bodhisattvas are born from this wisdom. This wisdom is also the fundamental cause of happiness, and our own spiritual growth comes from this wisdom. That is why Tara is called the Mother. And Mother Tara has much wisdom to manifest many aspects, sometimes peaceful, sometimes wrathful, in different colours; all to help sentient beings.” — Lama Thubten Yeshe

Tara, meaning Star, is known in Tibetan Buddhism, in one of her guises as the Mother of Compassion, or mother of perfected wisdom. Tara embodies the strengths of peace, forgiveness and compassion She like the Mary, at the foot of the cross, symbolizes the endurance of the soul through every incarnation, every lesson to be learned, even through anxiety, stress or hurtful experiences. She is the ultimate witness, as she relates to Quan Yin, Bodhisattva who also is represented carrying her vessel of compassionate balm.

Quan Yin evolved out of the cycle of samsara (birth and rebirth or suffering) to gain enlightenment. As she was to pass from this world, she turned back hearing the cries of humanity in their suffering, she chose to remain, to help ease humanity’s suffering. She does not suffer for humanity because she has become enlightened and no longer need suffer to have compassion. She is detached in her compassion thus making herself far more efficient in her compassionate works, she embodies inner peace and spiritual acceptance. She symbolizes purity and is thought to be part of every good and virtuous woman.

The Bhagavad Gita 6:7 states “The Supreme Reality stands revealed in the consciousness of those who have conquered themselves. They live in peace, alike in cold and heat, pleasure and pain, praise and blame”

We can all become enlightened to our own nature and to the nature of the world. We can choose to resist it or we can choose to accept it and those  within the world, as they are. We can choose to forgive what yet is to transpire and then we can also choose to get on with the work of compassionate living. We do not have to become entrenched in the drama of the world to transform it. In fact, we are far more efficient in our ability to act from compassion by not hanging on to the unpleasant, angry, upset, awful things of the world. Detachment is not being un-caring, it is caring enough not to be undone. As we rise above the worst of what humanity and our egos can throw at us, we gain the perspective of one who is raised up, our view becomes more expansive and we can see the bigger picture.

You do not have to be a master healer, you do not have to train for this work, you do not have to be an expert, The only requirement is accepting responsibility for yourself and your actions, your behaviors. Your practice, non judgment and forgiveness. Your life then becomes a path of service, your gifts, the tools to master on your unique path. I offer up a  beautiful example.

The living Hindu saint, AMMA, her pledge of service to the world is simple. she has pledged her service to hug all who come to her. it is simple and it is love in action. There are paths in life that we can choose, those paths will converge and diverge from others at times, that is just the way of things. What we do on those paths is as various as we are, the healing comes not from any of those roles or paths of service but rather, healing comes from the LOVE and COMPASSION that emanates from us in the service of our chosen paths.

It is my hope that we all find our path of service and become the vessels of true compassion this world and all her beings truly deserve.

Namaste.,  Mary Samantha

Glaring Light of Awareness: The beloved is not your soulmate

by Mary Samantha

I have been asked time and time again. What is the Beloved? Who is the beloved? How can I find my beloved?

There are many classes and instruction on the beloved. Allot of people seeking and fixating on the beloved.

All I can tell you about the beloved is what I have known and it is this.

I am in a divine union. I am his beloved and he is mine.

These are our vows to one another.

but how did we  get to the place of living in a divine union?

I will tell you how it happened for me.

It began when….

I  stopped longing for my beloved, stopped feeling the lack of his being,

 Rather, I opened to the beloved presence within me.

I became the change I desired to see in the world.

Having stepped in to this light, I have actually, changed all that brought me suffering in the past and in my relationships.

All I had to do was stop holding myself back from the beloved because I felt I needed “him” with me to be beloved myself.

I had at one point, to face that beloved or no beloved, divine or not, my life IS NOT and never was about “HIM” it is and always will be about ME.

I learned on a fateful trip to India that love is not a feeling, it is a power.

the development of this power comes from devotion.

Devotion is LOVE in ACTION.

My daily devotion  is  give love, and I will receive love.

The Goddess pours through me and I am at one with the universe and all things.

It isn’t about loving a man, it is not even about loving mankind, it s about loving, PERIOD!

It is not about the person who receives that love, it is about the energy of LOVING!

My vibrational pattern has changed and thus my world has changed.

A clarity has come to me and the veil of emptiness and seeking I

Was once shrouded in has been pulled away.

I have lifted my bridal veil.  I am in joy and I gave it to my self. I  allowed it to be, no one else gave it to me. I created it through love.

The Beloved is to BE LOVE, love comes from me and unto me it returns.

Thus I am always with the beloved and the beloved is with me,  always inseparable.

As I live in the knowledge of the beloved that I am, I see the beloved in others.

My relationships become the bridal chamber, the bridal bed of the union of the heart and soul in co-creative actions not in idealistic fantasy.

My soul is not a  split soul, my twin flame burns within me. It is up to me to see the light of my undivided soul.

I am mother and father, lover and beloved.

Just as I was born as a child to a mother and father, My ego was born inside of me.

It is up to me to be a good parent, teaching, guiding and instructing my ego, doing the work to alchemically transform and infantile ego into a divine child.

When we can do this work within ourselves and turn an ego in to a soul, we graduate from the world of duality in to becoming unified beings.

The lover and beloved become one.

the divine child is birthed.

Thus the beloved is not a person outside you that you have to seek.

The beloved is not a partnership of two human souls or soul mates.

The beloved is SOUL The soul lives beyond the trappings of duality and the illusion of separation.

I am not saying that there are no soul mates or twin flames or karmic relationships, there most definitely are.

What I am saying, is that the BELOVED is all of these and none of these.

The beloved is the devotion you practice in the throws of these varied experiences.

You will draw to yourself the physical and energetic relationships that echo the energy you focus upon.

If you seek, you will receive seeking.

If you long for, you will receive longing.

If you want, you will be answered in wanting.

If you focus on loneliness and being without, you will receive loneliness and will be without.

The world is the dream of the soul. It responds as a mirror to our deepest beliefs.

What we focus upon, we multiply.

Make the art of loving your devotional practice.

Let nothing keep you from having closeness and union with life.

Believe in love, Be LOVE, and you will BE loved.

Is the Beloved within? Yes.

IS the beloved found without? yes.

can you experience the beloved in relationships with twin flames, soul mates karmic relationships? Yes.

but you will also experience the beloved in the shadows of those relationships as well.

You SOUL is the beloved because your soul is LOVE as a BEING.

AT this moment, as a Human Being.

So be human. Love, live, laugh, cry, experience all that being a soul in flesh means and LOVE through it all the best that you can.

Some say, you have to draw your beloved to you. in my opinion, If you believe that, then it will be so.

or

You can  believe that the beloved already is.

Namaste

The Glaring Light of Awareness : Making a Living

By Priestess Mary Samantha

” I am SO frustrated!” I have heard it from all around me including my own lips. The mass frustration of people in the world struggling to make things work in a system that simply put, does not work. More and more individuals and groups are awakening to the reality that only our individual creativity will save us.  People are walking out of the careers, relationships and paradigms they previously held. How do we succeed at creating a life for ourselves based on our own inner truth in a society that only seems to reward either extremes of compliance or Control?

I have been meditating on the phrase ” Making a living. ” When I ask  my students, friends and family why they don’t follow their creativity, what blocks them ? I most often hear the reply, ” Because, I have to make a living.” when really, I think the more accurate response is ” because,  I need money to live.” iN fact it seems that we spend most of our time and creativity, most of our lives really, in the pursuit of making money, not in making a living.  In fact, what does making a living, look like? Freedictionary dot com defines living as follows

liv·ing

[liv-ing]  S

adjective

1.

having life; being alive; not dead: living persons.

2.

in actual existence or use; extant: living languages.

3.

active or thriving; vigorous; strong: a living faith.

4.

burning or glowing, as a coal.

5.

flowing freely, as water.

WOW! begs the question, are we even living at all? is that why we feel we have to make a living? SO I ask myself, Am I …in actual existence or use? Am I active, thriving and vigorous? Am I a living faith? Am I  burning or glowing as coal, am I flowing freely , as water? Are you?  are we even, making it so that we can be living? should making a living then, be our art? shouldn’t we make it our personal directive?

Making a living thus defined has nothing to do with making money. In fact, we don’t make money at all! The U.S treasury does. So, if we cannot actually make money, then what are we doing? A more accurate statement would be that we are trying to accumulate money.  We spend our lives accumulating money for what purpose? so that we can spend it. We will spend it on the price of things we want. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we could simply have what we want without the middle man of money? It used to be that if we wanted food, we grew it, we raised it. we traded for what we did not have yet desired or required. Now we have currency. If we do not have physical money, we then barter our futures on the acquisition of make believe money, or credit on the promise that we will pay it all back. sounds more like we are making  debt than making a living.

Most of you who are reading this have already come to the realization of the corruption of life by these societal paradigms based on lack and greed. We want nothing more than to co-create with life and with one another a world where no person goes hungry for lack of money, especially when there is so much waste in the world.

I tried to go back to work for awhile in a local, supermarket deli. It caused me great discomfort and I felt discouraged at the amount of food that was thrown in to the trash every single day. Enough from our deli alone to make sure that no man, woman child or animal would go hungry in our town. Food that could have been given to homeless shelters was thrown away. It was company policy. Yet, who do you think took the lashings for the amount of waste the company produced? the company? No. It was us, the employees, doing as we were told to do, less we be written up. Still, despite our submission to their rules , we would be the ones blamed for the amount of waste. Was this what I was getting paid an hourly wage for? Was I agreeing to be the proverbial whipping boy for the greed and irresponsibility of a major company? This awareness gnawed at me. I felt it int he depths of my solar plexus. I could not look away. There was no way for me to turn my head. I did not want to. As a priestesses, how could I? My awareness, demanded of my consciousness to make a choice.Finally, one day, it came to a head where my manager and her boss both took their title as a green light to verbally assault me with their lies and try and compel mw with manipulation and intimidation. I stood outside myself, watching it take place and I knew, without a doubt,that no matter how my mind might try and rationalize it,  I was in actuality,sacrificing my convictions, my self respect, my self esteem and my personal beliefs in exchange for currency. I had to own up to the truth. How can I profess to care for humanity, be a priestess and be a cog in the very machine destroying my world. I was working for the enemy. I made a radical decision. I decided to stop being indebted to the gods of the perpetual paycheck and decided to make a living.

No, I am not sure how I will accumulate the money I will need to pay for the car, the groceries etc. but I know I will.  It will get done. Plus the best part, is that I do know that I have begun to flow freer, glow brighter, I am living completely on faith. Faith in myself, in the universe to nurture my growth as much as it cares for all other growing things. I am active every day, creatively finding ways to utilize my gifts to share with the world in ways that may be compensated for with money. I am becoming stronger every day as I learn to rely upon my own creative ability and faith. I am in actual existence, making a living. I am making it every day. Some days I acquire no money at all. Yet, I am acquiring skills, deepening my craft, and caring for my children, family, friends and students. I realized that before I went back to work, I was actually making a living. It was after I went back to work that I stopped. I stopped having time and energy or anything left of myself to give to the ones I cared about. I was tired, in pain, I felt abused and taken for granted at work, unappreciated and bullied by my so called “superiors”. I not only stopped making a living, I ceased to live. I was merely, surviving. How did it make sense that for the first time in years, after having raised a family that in going back to work I was living less well, even though I was making more money?!

The price of employment was too high. It cost me too much. I was in a deficit of caring and joy. There simply was no way to succeed in having a job. taking on more responsibility for more pay would only cause a greater and deeper deficit on the areas that actually mattered the most to me. Like, time with my family enjoying our life together.I was constantly badgered and belittled at work, made to feel like I was a bad employee because I put my family and my children before my job. Any increase in pay or movement up in the company came with a price tag to sacrifice my family even more. It would come with more negativity heaped upon me by unhappy people at the top. It was conclusive. to stay in the machine of working a ” real job” would cost me too much. It would continue to drive me in to an emotional and spiritual debt that no amount of wage could possibly make up for. I had to decide. Did I want to be life rich and cash poor or could I lie to myself sufficiently enough to convince myself that my integrity and happiness put in check, was a small price to pay, in return for a pay check.

Today, I sit and contemplate making a living and understanding that the point of the past year was to muster in me the faith and devotion in myself as a creator. To learn to trust in the universe that I will be nurtured as needed. I learned to appreciate the stay at home mother I had been because I realized that going to work and getting a so called,  ” real Job” was so unreal that I was missing the truly important stuff. A year ago, I used to feel, as I packed my kids lunches or did laundry, that my life was being spent in an endless routine of meaningless service. I felt devalued on the inside  despite the fact that my husband and family supported and appreciated me, I was still running societal pressure tapes and judgments on myself that I learned growing up as a woman in a society that devalues our roles as mothers. I know better now. I find great satisfaction in being able to bust out with the school lunches and laundry all after spending a day researching,writing, creating music, helping out family, friends and students, doing all the things that make my life full of joy and fulfillment.

There are times that I struggle with the acquisition of money and restraints on time. I know that may be the case for awhile. Acquiring money is a real necessity. I do not pretend for a moment that I can go live off grid and forgo the demands of a modern life. I am admittedly too dependent at this time in my life on the system, as broken as it it. I am however, learning to balance my societal need for acquiring money so that I can pay for what is required of me, with my human need for self-respect, integrity and joy.  I have decided that I am not just going to make a living. I am going to ENJOY making a living.  I will make my living by living as honestly as I can, doing what I believe and aligning myself with what is important to me. I will not betray myself or my self respect. I have given myself permission to walk way from that which would harm me. No one should have to compromise their internal wellbeing,  for a paycheck. It makes us no better than human traffic, locked in to servitude in exchange for working off the debts assigned to us by an uncaring and unfeeling, greedy master.

I am not encouraging anyone to walk out of their jobs tomorrow. I know the reality that bills need to be paid and especially for those of us with children to care for, that we must  do what we must to keep them clothed and sheltered. that is just the way of it. What I am encouraging however is for you to take faith in yourself and your unique gifts and talents. To take faith in the universe, and believe that it brought you here and wants to see those gifts and talents utilized.  Trust that the universe will give you what you need, to be sustained,  if you choose to offer those gifts up to the whole.  You don’t have to make wild proclamations and take huge risks. It is as simple as learning to balance your Living ledger.

Take a look at your living ledger and decide to do what you can to balance it. Other than money, what else do you need to acquire for wholeness and happiness? If you are out of balance and in debt in the areas that mean the most to you, such as pleasure, friendship,intimacy,romance, laughter, play, or even solitude, peace, creativity,nature, or just plain silliness. Then choose today to start adding to the living ledger in the plus column for those areas of your life. If we are to create a new paradigm for our world that allows us to experience the world, as we desire it to be, then it must start with us. Each and every day. We do have the power to change the life we live. It is up to us to be creators and instead of just making a living, it is time for us to start making a life worth living.

I know WE can do it.

Namaste.- Mary Samantha